Tarotchick

musings

I guess not every entry has to be about Tarot only... I want to write about a broader scope of matters tonight.

I consider myself to be a very spiritual person, and I think that this helps me a lot. The sermon at church today was about "The Strength of Weakness." (By the way, I go to the coolest church ever.)

Anyway, in talking about the strength of weakness, it reminded me of my junior year of college. Usually, we (as a culture) don't want to admit weakness. But, at that point even though I couldn't admit it to friends and family I was able to admit it to God. Every day - sometimes several times a day - I would read Psalm 69 out loud. Here's my edited version:

1 Save me, O God,
for the waters have come up to my neck.
2 I sink in the miry depths,
where there is no foothold.
I have come into the deep waters;
the floods engulf me.
3 I am worn out calling for help;
my throat is parched.
My eyes fail,
looking for my God.
4 Those who hate me without reason
outnumber the hairs of my head;
many are my enemies without cause,
those who seek to destroy me.
I am forced to restore
what I did not steal.

5 You know my folly, O God;
my guilt is not hidden from you.

6 May those who hope in you
not be disgraced because of me,
O Lord, the LORD Almighty;
may those who seek you
not be put to shame because of me,
O God of Israel.
7 For I endure scorn for your sake,
and shame covers my face.
8 I am a stranger to my brothers,
an alien to my own mother's sons;
9 for zeal for your house consumes me,
and the insults of those who insult you fall on me.
10 When I weep and fast,
I must endure scorn;
11 when I put on sackcloth,
people make sport of me.
12 Those who sit at the gate mock me,
and I am the song of the drunkards.

13 But I pray to you, O LORD ,
in the time of your favor;
in your great love, O God,
answer me with your sure salvation.
14 Rescue me from the mire,
do not let me sink;
deliver me from those who hate me,
from the deep waters.
15 Do not let the floodwaters engulf me
or the depths swallow me up
or the pit close its mouth over me.
16 Answer me, O LORD , out of the goodness of your love;
in your great mercy turn to me.
17 Do not hide your face from your servant;
answer me quickly, for I am in trouble.
18 Come near and rescue me;
redeem me because of my foes.

19 You know how I am scorned, disgraced and shamed;
all my enemies are before you.
20 Scorn has broken my heart
and has left me helpless;
I looked for sympathy, but there was none,
for comforters, but I found none.
21 They put gall in my food
and gave me vinegar for my thirst.

29 I am in pain and distress;
may your salvation, O God, protect me.

30 I will praise God's name in song
and glorify him with thanksgiving.
31 This will please the LORD more than an ox,
more than a bull with its horns and hoofs.
32 The poor will see and be glad-
you who seek God, may your hearts live!
33 The LORD hears the needy
and does not despise his captive people.

34 Let heaven and earth praise him,
the seas and all that move in them,
35 for God will save Zion
and rebuild the cities of Judah.
Then people will settle there and possess it;
36 the children of his servants will inherit it,
and those who love his name will dwell there.

Long, long, long, I know. But I think that this passage so completely captures the feeling that a person gets when suffering from depression: "The waters have come up to my neck..." Just wanted to share, I hope that someone gets something out of this.

Interestingly, I started reading Tarot cards that year that I was struggling. I was even kind of mad that the tarot came so easily - I was killing myself to learn Analysis and Genetics and Cell Molec, but after only a week I could do readings! Well, I figured out pretty quick that I was not meant to be a chemist. But I am meant to work with people. Whether that's reading cards for people, being a youth leader at church, or working at the museum.

Posted by Tarotchick at June 29, 2003 09:00 PM