You know, I didn't get into the non-profit world to do networking or to struggle with competition - I just want to help kids learn! I had a weird, stressful day at work, I've got a big grant hearing tomorrow, and my car is making a burned-plastic smell. Not the best of days... Let's see what's in store for tomorrow:
Ah! Looks like a better day! By the way, I'm using the Universal Waite tarot deck, which is one of the most common decks from the 20th century. I like it because it has a lot of Judeo-Christian symbolism - and it was my first deck! (My favorite deck is the Robin Wood Tarot, though, which is based on a pagan symbolism.)
Body: The Sun
I take this to mean that I'll be feeling complete and whole and healthy and happy. The Sun is just about the most positive card in the deck! How wonderful! It shows a smiling naked child on a white horse, with a stone wall and sunflowers in the background, and a huge smiling sun. The child is waving a red flag, too.
Mind: The Three of Wands
This card symbolizes waiting for a return on something you've invested time into. Very appropriate since I'm going to a grant meeting! I've been spending a lot of time working very hard on grants for the museum, I think this card is telling me to be patient and wait for the ships to come in. The card shows a man standing on an overlook watching three ships in a golden ocean. I learned the meaning of this card to be: you've put out good things and now you're waiting for them to come back to you.
Spirit: The World
Two Major Arcana! This is exciting - a big positive day! The World symbolized completeness, wholeness, and happiness. It shows a naked woman surounded by a wreath with a purple sash wrapped around her. This is the last card in the Major Arcana, which is why it symbolized wholeness and a completeness.
Well, according to these cards, tomorrow should be a much better day! Whew!
I guess not every entry has to be about Tarot only... I want to write about a broader scope of matters tonight.
I consider myself to be a very spiritual person, and I think that this helps me a lot. The sermon at church today was about "The Strength of Weakness." (By the way, I go to the coolest church ever.)
Anyway, in talking about the strength of weakness, it reminded me of my junior year of college. Usually, we (as a culture) don't want to admit weakness. But, at that point even though I couldn't admit it to friends and family I was able to admit it to God. Every day - sometimes several times a day - I would read Psalm 69 out loud. Here's my edited version:
1 Save me, O God,
for the waters have come up to my neck.
2 I sink in the miry depths,
where there is no foothold.
I have come into the deep waters;
the floods engulf me.
3 I am worn out calling for help;
my throat is parched.
My eyes fail,
looking for my God.
4 Those who hate me without reason
outnumber the hairs of my head;
many are my enemies without cause,
those who seek to destroy me.
I am forced to restore
what I did not steal.
5 You know my folly, O God;
my guilt is not hidden from you.
6 May those who hope in you
not be disgraced because of me,
O Lord, the LORD Almighty;
may those who seek you
not be put to shame because of me,
O God of Israel.
7 For I endure scorn for your sake,
and shame covers my face.
8 I am a stranger to my brothers,
an alien to my own mother's sons;
9 for zeal for your house consumes me,
and the insults of those who insult you fall on me.
10 When I weep and fast,
I must endure scorn;
11 when I put on sackcloth,
people make sport of me.
12 Those who sit at the gate mock me,
and I am the song of the drunkards.
13 But I pray to you, O LORD ,
in the time of your favor;
in your great love, O God,
answer me with your sure salvation.
14 Rescue me from the mire,
do not let me sink;
deliver me from those who hate me,
from the deep waters.
15 Do not let the floodwaters engulf me
or the depths swallow me up
or the pit close its mouth over me.
16 Answer me, O LORD , out of the goodness of your love;
in your great mercy turn to me.
17 Do not hide your face from your servant;
answer me quickly, for I am in trouble.
18 Come near and rescue me;
redeem me because of my foes.
19 You know how I am scorned, disgraced and shamed;
all my enemies are before you.
20 Scorn has broken my heart
and has left me helpless;
I looked for sympathy, but there was none,
for comforters, but I found none.
21 They put gall in my food
and gave me vinegar for my thirst.
29 I am in pain and distress;
may your salvation, O God, protect me.
30 I will praise God's name in song
and glorify him with thanksgiving.
31 This will please the LORD more than an ox,
more than a bull with its horns and hoofs.
32 The poor will see and be glad-
you who seek God, may your hearts live!
33 The LORD hears the needy
and does not despise his captive people.
34 Let heaven and earth praise him,
the seas and all that move in them,
35 for God will save Zion
and rebuild the cities of Judah.
Then people will settle there and possess it;
36 the children of his servants will inherit it,
and those who love his name will dwell there.
Long, long, long, I know. But I think that this passage so completely captures the feeling that a person gets when suffering from depression: "The waters have come up to my neck..." Just wanted to share, I hope that someone gets something out of this.
Interestingly, I started reading Tarot cards that year that I was struggling. I was even kind of mad that the tarot came so easily - I was killing myself to learn Analysis and Genetics and Cell Molec, but after only a week I could do readings! Well, I figured out pretty quick that I was not meant to be a chemist. But I am meant to work with people. Whether that's reading cards for people, being a youth leader at church, or working at the museum.
I figured I would explain the daily spread I do, and then try to actually do it each night and then talk about it in the journal daily...
Here goes: Shuffle the cards until you feel its time to stop. Divide the cards into three stacks. Rub your hands together briskly until they start to tingle. Then, pass your right hand (palm down) over the top of the three piles in order to sense the energy of each stack. The stack that feels the heaviest and warmest is the "Body." The stack that feels the lightest and coolest is the "Spirt," and the "Mind" is the deck that's feels less extreme than the other two - it almost feels "smart" or "logical" - know what I mean? At this point I always arrange the cards left to right: Body, Mind, Spirit. Then I read them to fortell tomorrow.
I did not create this spread - I read it in a book, possibley "Tarot for Your Self" by Mary Greer - I can't remember, though!
Testing!
Work is going well, the appartment is beautiful, church is great... other than worries about some family members, I can't complain!
I need to get back into Tarot reading - I've been too busy with the move and work lately to focus on it. I wish I could do a reading tonight, but I had a couple drinks with dinner, so any reading would be completely innacurate. I've found that in most cases my readings are completely false if I've had even a drop of liquor. The one exception is when I have a glass of wine with dinner with a friend and then do a reading - it doesn't seem to affect me much then. But a couple of vodka-cokes after dinner (like tonight) screws me up.
My first Tarot tips/discussion topic is... what to do and what not to do before a reading:
DO NOT:
-drink alcohol
-take any type of OTC medication
-argue with a loved one
-do something stressful like paying bills, taxes, etc
DO:
-meditate for a few moments
-do yoga
-visualize enlightenment and healing light
-concentrate on the questions to be asked
-receive a massage from the person you're about to read for! (sounds weird, but I trade readings for massages with friends from church, and I feel so connected to them afterward that the readings are usually dead-on)